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by JupiterMelichios



Category: Secret Six
Genre: Ace positivity, Asexual Bane (DCU), Asexual Character, Asexual Peter Merkel Jr., Asexual Relationship, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon-Typical Behavior, Cults, Curtain Fic, DC Aspec Week Event, Damaged Peter Merkel Jr., Families of Choice, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Non-Binary Peter Merkel Jr., Other, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Romance, Polyamory Negotiations, Pre-Poly, Queer platonic relationships, Recovery, Relationship Negotiation, Soft Bane (DCU)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27305818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JupiterMelichios/pseuds/JupiterMelichios
Summary: His silence has been too long, and Doll can be very astute when he wishes.“You’re ace, aren’t you?”Words with double meanings, it seems that every language except his mother-tongue is full of them, unnecessarily perplexing but undeniably fascinating. “I thought I knew what that word meant, but I do not recognise it in that context.”“It’s short for asexual.”In biology, asexual refers to reproduction without congress. Here, context is enough to provide him with the double meaning. “I do not experience attraction as other men do. Are you ace?”Doll laughs softly.“Loaded question, my large friend. If you smash a mirror, are the shards still a mirror, or are they something new?”
Relationships: Bane (DCU) & Peter Merkel Jr., Bane (DCU)/Peter Merkel Jr., background Bane (DCU) & Scandal Savage, background Bane (DCU)/Thomas Blake, background Thomas Blake/Jeanette/Floyd Lawton
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: DC Aspec Week





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**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to get something to work with these two for years now, so thank you to the mods of DC Aspec Week for giving me the impetus to turn the idea into something readable. 
> 
> I've always been fascinated with Doll's relationship with his sexuality, but I wanted the discussion to take place with another asexual person, essentially to provide the contrast between someone who was born ace and someone is ace due to past experiences. (Both are valid reasons to use the ace label and be part of our community, nothing in this story is intended as any kind of gatekeeping.) Plus if OT6s are a thing the six are mine.
> 
> Warnings: discussions of Doll's canonical past and the implied relationship with his sister, canon typical threats, discussions of Doll's not-explicitly-canon-but-definitely-canon eating disorder, discussions of his canon genital surgery. Nothing worse or more explicit than SS canon.

It’s entirely possible that no one knows exactly how many rooms the House of Secrets has. He’s been living here for five months so far, and the only rooms he’s been able to access consistently are his bedroom and the kitchen. There’s always a living room, but there’s no guarantee when you open the door that it’ll be the _same_ living room that was there yesterday.

The study is a relatively recent addition, and while he’s still careful not to leave any of his meagre possessions there when he leaves, for fear he won’t be able to find the room again afterwards, he likes to think it’s a sign that the House has accepted him.

Certainly no one else has expressed any interest in using it. Jeanette uses her bedroom for any private work, since she usually sleeps in Lawton’s room, and Scandal prefers to work from a laptop, laying claim to one of the sofas in whatever living room the House chooses to present to them.

He’s not sure how he feels about having a second room entirely to himself. Even after so many years in the outside world, having so much space feels like a dangerous luxury.

But the light is good, and the chair is actually designed for someone of his height, and let it never be said that he is a man who does not make use of all advantages provided to him.

He’s reading the poetry of Haddis, firming and building upon his inadequate knowledge of Amharic. It’s slow going, the Ethiopian love of puns and double meanings confusing his attempts to translate the words he doesn’t know from the context in which he encounters them, but he’s enjoying it none the less. It is a rare indulgence to stretch his intellect for no other reason than his own enjoyment. Learning new languages is always useful, but they have no jobs planned in Ethiopia and he already knew enough to get by.

He’s just debating getting up to fetch a dictionary to confirm a translation he is unsure of, when the door opens.

He half turns in his chair, expecting to see Scandall, or one of the mysterious hooded acolytes who occasionally venture forth from whatever unknown depths of the House they inhabit to clean and do various necessary chores.

Instead, he finds Ragdoll.

He’s dressed in a garment Bane doesn’t know the name for, similar to the ones he has often seen babies dressed in, an all-in-one item that also covers his feet. His face and head are uncovered, and he looks tired, and unusually solemn.

_“Hey Big Daddy.”_

“Hello.” They stare at one another in silence for a minute, and when it becomes clear Ragdoll will not be the first to speak, Bane asks, “Did you want something, ‘Doll?” The nickname feels odd in his mouth, he is not a man accustomed to such familiarity, but he finds he prefers it to Peter or Ragdoll. It feels… better, in some nebulous way he cannot easily pinpoint.

Doll worries at the corner of a thumbnail with his teeth and then, just as Bane is beginning to suspect he will never get an answer to his question, says, _“Don’t laugh, okay?”_

Bane is not sure what it is he’s supposed to not be laughing at, but he has little time for humour of any kind, and rarely understands what it is about Doll’s behaviour that makes Lawton mock him, so he nods.

Silently, Doll crosses the room and sits down in Bane’s lap.

Unsure what else to do in this unprecedented situation, Bane holds still and waits to see what Doll intends to do next.

_“Alright?”_ Doll asks, a rare note of genuine uncertainty in his voice.

Bane considers the situation. From a combative perspective, having Doll so close is potentially problematic, since his peculiar form of fighting requires physical closeness, but he does not believe Doll would attempt to hurt him.

From a personal perspective… He has wanted to be closer to the rest of the Six. They have bonds which predate his joining the team, and he is always aware that even in a team of exceptional people, he is an oddity.

He has heard both Jeanette and Thomas refer to the team as a family at various times. Family is something he has little experience with, and until very recently he had not know that it was something he lacked. And yet there is no denying he and Scandal have fought well together since they became closer, and the desire to use the Venom is much easier to resist when she is around.

He is not part of their family, not yet. But perhaps he could be. In time. And that would be… That would be strategically useful, he tells himself. It would increase their fighting efficiency as a team. That is all.

“Alright,” he agrees.

Doll makes a soft noise of amusement and leans in, resting against Bane’s chest. He is small enough that his head tucks easily under Bane’s chin.

Instinctively, Bane’s arms come up to hold him, and he marvels at that. That he, who was born in darkness and has no family, should still have such instincts.

It is not the first time he has been touched like this, twice now Scandal has allowed him to hold her while she slept, on nights when the urge to inject himself is too strong to bear alone.

But Scandal had never felt small in his arms, for all that he is far larger than her. She had never felt fragile, or delicate.

Bane could snap any of Doll’s too-slender limbs with barely a thought, could crush his rib cage or his pelvis with one hand. He could press his hands either side of Doll’s head and squeeze until… But he does not. Even thinking of it, acknoledging the potential, is unpleasant.

“What is it like, to have a family?”

Doll snorts softly, his shoulder shifting under Bane’s hand. _“You’re asking the wrong person. Unless you meant the monkeys, of course.”_

“You were close to your sister.”

_“Not in the way you mean.”_

He has not asked if they had been sexually intimate. He never will. His past is his strength, but he recognises that that is not the case for others who have survived hardships.

“You have a family now, in the Six.”

_“Says who.”_

“Jeanette.”

_“Jeanette doesn’t know any more about real family than anyone else in this house.”_

“All the same, I do not think she is incorrect. I have known teams and military units. This is… different.”

_“So Puss Cat **does** call you daddy when you’re alone together.”_

Bane opens his mouth but for the first time in a very long time, finds himself completely without words.

He is not as blind as some people seem to think. The fact that he does not experience carnal attraction does not mean he is totally incapable of recognising it in other people. Thomas watches him, finds excuses to be in the gym when Bane is exercising. He makes no secret of the fact that he is capable of attraction to men as well as women and, if Jeanette’s occasional teasing is accurate, he prefers those men to be physically imposing, so it is not exactly a surprise to find that Doll believes he and Thomas had been intimate.

The shock is in his own reaction. He knows his own mind and he knows that whatever it is that makes the majority experience carnal desire is not present in him, and yet for the first time in his life he finds the idea of such intimacy… appealing. Not as other men might, perhaps, there is no stirring in his loins, but mentally, emotionally…

Before the Six there had never been anyone for whom he could express care or affection, but he has found in the months he has known them that he enjoys such things for their own sake. To bring Thomas pleasure, to show affection that way, care for him that way, to have undeniable proof that such affection was desired… That is something he would like.

His silence has been too long and Doll can be very astute when he wishes. _“You’re ace, aren’t you?”_

Words with double meanings, it seems that every language except his mother-tongue is full of them, unnecessarily perplexing but undeniably fascinating. “I thought I knew what that word meant, but I do not recognise it in that context.”

_“It’s short for asexual.”_

In biology, asexual refers to reproduction without congress. Here, context is enough to provide him with the double meaning. “I do not experience attraction as other men do.”

_“Did you know you gender everything?”_

He considers this. His first language did not use gendered nouns, it was workmanlike, build out of hard necessity with no unnecessary additions, but it had not needed to. He grew up in a world of men. He had not considered how that coloured his use of English.

“As other _people_ do.”

_“Better.”_

“Are you ace?”

Doll laughs softly. _“Loaded question, my large friend. If you smash a mirror, are the shards still a mirror, or are they something new?”_

“You feel you are broken?”

In his arms, Doll goes stiff and it’s suddenly impossible not to be aware that he’s holding someone who’s mass is almost all limbs, none of which bend the way human limbs were designed to. _“I’m **perfect** , thank you very much.”_

He has said the wrong thing, clearly. That is as new an experience as the physical contact. Not to offend someone without intent, such things happen to even the best prepared orator from time to time, but the immediate feeling of regret, of wanting to correct the error. “I did not mean to hurt you.”

That too must have been a wrong thing because Doll begins to leave, and when Bane tightens the arm he has around Doll’s waist, he is abruptly confronted by the fact that holding onto a contortionist who doesn’t want to be held is almost impossible.

Not knowing how else to prevent him from leaving, he grabs onto whatever bits of Doll he can, wrapping one arm around his torso and gripping his thigh as tightly as he dares with the other hand.

_“ **Let go** ,”_ Doll hisses, his voice icy.

He must say something to repair this, the idea of letting Doll leave is anathema to him, but when he opens his mouth to explain what comes out is, “you’re perfect.”

That at least gets Doll to stop struggling.

“I was not, not stating my opinion of you, or trying to insult you. I was trying to understand what you were saying to me.”

_“Go on.”_

“I have learned it well but understand, English is not my first language. It’s not even my third language. I was seeking clarification of your meaning, not making a statement of my beliefs.”

Finally, Doll begins to relax.

Not knowing what else to do, not wanting to shift his grip to something more affectionate less Doll fall, Bane continues to hold him and after a moment, Doll speaks. _“There is a… potential, to this.”_

“Potential for violence?”

_“No. Well, yes, that too. But there is a part of me which is enjoys this-”_ he wiggles in Bane’s grip, illustrating his point _“-and while that enjoyment has nothing to do with certain body parts I no longer posses, there is a feeling that it could. That perhaps in some parallel universe, it still does.”_

“Ah.” Now he can see the shape of what Doll was trying to tell him, before. “The broken mirror you spoke of. It was not you, but your sexuality.”

_“Not the best metaphor, it appears.”_

“No, it is good. I am not… my mother tongue had little use for poetry or allusion. I am an intelligent man but it is a way of thinking and speaking which is still somewhat unfamiliar to me.”

_“Hmmm. Let me…”_ Doll squirms his way back into Bane’s lap and for a moment is it like holding an armful of snakes, all of them trying to escape, and then he relaxes back against Bane’s chest and returns to feeling, more or less, like a normal human.

Bane wraps his arms around him, one around his waist and the other around his shoulders, and wonders whether it is true that this touch is strengthening his mental and emotional health. It certainly feels like it could be.

_“Do you know much about cults?”_

“I have read a little. I have fought one or two, when it was necessary.” He has fought _for_ them as well, when paid to do so, but he does not think it would be wise to mention that.

_“I was born into a cult. There’s a lot of things cults don’t like you to do. Be alone, is one. Until I left, I had never been alone for more than a few minutes. The closest to privacy I had was when it was just me and my sister in our bedroom. Another thing cults don’t like is dissent.”_

“You learned not to speak up.”

_“I learned to speak in circles, and triangles and squares and dodecahedrons if necessary. Anything except a straight line. I’m getting better at that. But it doesn’t come naturally.”_

“Any more than indirect speech comes easily to me. I understand. I will try to be clearer when I do not understand.”

_“And I’ll try and be more direct. So, **directly** , if you ever try to hold me down again when I’ve made it clear I don’t want to be touched, I will choke you to death in your sleep. Do you understand?”_

“I… understand.” There is an old instinct telling him to boast of his physical prowess, to deny the claim that Doll could harm him, but not all the lessons he learned in his childhood were useful ones. He had never apologised to anyone in his childhood, not sincerely. That was not the way of Santa Prisca. But he is not on Santa Prisca right now and if he wants to be a part of this more-than-team, he must adapt some of his modes of thinking. “My apologies. I am not used to… to this sort of touch.”

_“No one in this house is. Not from other humans.”_

“It is not unpleasant.”

_“And what about the ways our feline friend wants to touch you?”_

“I do not desire him that way. But the idea is not distasteful. I am learning to appreciate intimacy, and the chance to care for those I am fond of.”

_“You mean you’re a total service top.”_

“I am not familiar…”

He can hear the smile in Doll’s voice. _“Ask Jeanette. I’m sure she’d love to tell you. You can work out a timeshare for Thomas’s prick while you’re at it.”_

“She and Thomas…”

_“Is the inevitable side-effect of Floyd and Thomas’s sordid affair. At least I hope it’s sordid.”_

“That seems like it could be a problem.” It is not an area he has personal experience with but his observations suggest fidelity is crucial to intimate relationships, and the lack of such is most often the cause of fights and rifts. The intimacies between them are supposed to strengthen the team, not cause more dissent.

_“Oh Thomas isn’t the least bit monogamous and Jeanette knows it. Mr Lawton doesn’t, but then he also thinks he’s straight so I’m not sure his opinion should be taken into account at all. Our dearly departed dominatrix will sort him out.”_

Bane considers this. He has not felt the need to increase his knowledge of romantic relationships beyond the basics which are clearly observable in the masses. His observations had suggested monogamy is the norm in America, but he knows that is not the case in other cultures and he has no reason to doubt what Doll is telling him. He already knows this is an area to which Doll has paid considerably more attention than Bane himself, and when navigating a strange land it is wise to trust the word of a guide who knows it better than you.

That is a rather good metaphor, actually. Perhaps he has adjusted to English better than he had thought.

“And what about you, my friend? Jeanette has Floyd and Thomas, Scandal has Lianna. Who would you have?” Jealousy is not an emotion he is familiar with, but he cannot deny a tinge of unnease somewhere inside himself at the thought of Doll taking a lover.

_“I have Parademon, and my children.”_

And yet you came here, Bane thinks. You came to me. “You don’t want more?”

_“Oh I always want more. I’m terribly greedy you know. Possitively glutinous in fact.”_

“Yet you chose to castrate yourself.” Most men would react badly to such a question but Doll is not entirely a man, and rarely reacts the way others would in any case, so he only smiles.

_“Rather more dramatic than mere castration, my large friend. But I see you are still not following my metaphorical ramblings as you’ve clearly missed on very important fact. No matter how many pieces you break a mirror into, you’re still going to have to clean up broken glass.”_

“Broken… is not the same as lost.”

_“Precisely.”_

“That is why you engage in flirtation, even though you have rendered yourself… incapable.”

_“It seemed safer all round, and I must say I haven’t regretted the decision one bit. But the **castration** was entirely physical. Nothing to be done about my poor scrambled noggin._

_"I still enjoy talking about sex, and watching other people have sex, and thinking about sex, and seeing our dear shootists face when **he** thinks about me having sex. None of which is quite the same thing as wanting to fuck."_

  
  


"Then what does more mean, for you?"

  
  


_"That is the question, Mr Bane. That is the question."_

“I would like…” It is a rare thing that he find himself lost for words. He prides himself on being a man who knows his own mind but this, his relationships with his more-than-team, the potential that exists within his interactions with Thomas, the potential of this moment with Doll, all of this is uncharted territory. “More. I would like more. With you.”

_“But what does more mean to you?”_

“I do not know. But I should like to find out.”

_“Oh good answer, my dear, a very good answer. Positively diplomatic. You don’t want to fuck anyone, and I have made myself incapable of it even if I wanted to. That would seem to put something of a dampener on the whole concept of more.”_

Bane considers that. It is easy to imagine what intimacy might mean with Thomas. He was raised in a prison. He is familiar with the ways men might take comfort in one another, though he hopes any interaction they were to have would be somewhat gentler than those memories. But with Doll… he attempts to imagine it and his brain can provide him with nothing of use. Doll is like him, or more like him than he is like Thomas, and so he cannot use mere carnal desires as his map here.

But perhaps he can use his own desires. His own enjoyment of this moment they are sharing.

“I am enjoying holding you. I am enjoying speaking with you of personal and private matters. I believe I should enjoy sleeping in the same bed as you, if you were amenable. Is that not more?”

Doll considers this for a moment, then begins to wriggle. Mindful of his earlier words, Bane releases his grip on him, allows him to move as he will.

He ends up with Doll facing him, kneeling up on his thighs so that they are face to face. His knees dig uncomfortably into Bane’s legs, but he says nothing. He has endured far more for a lesser reward, and Doll truly does not weigh enough to make it really painful. Bane frowns. He must devise some way of encouraging him to eat. It is not healthy to be so thin.

He does not consider that Doll is now looking directly at him, and so his frown is visible. _“Something wrong?”_

Tentatively Bane reaches out, rests a hand on Doll’s back, supporting him. “I was considering your diet.”

_“_ _Oh I make a point to eat at least three different colours of pudding cup with every meal,”_ Doll says. _“A balanced diet is very important.”_

It is always difficult to tell how serious Doll is being at any given moment. “I do not think that is a balanced diet.”

_“If you try to feed me carbohydrates I will poison your protein shakes.”_

“Hmm.” He will have to consider his approach carefully, but he is confident he will prevail. It is only a matter of finding the appropriate strategy.

_“I mean it. You can play what games you like with Scandal and Thomas, but you’re not my father.”_

“Why would I be Thomas’s father? If he desires me carnally…”

It hasn’t occurred to him before, but he rarely sees Doll laugh. Smile, all the time, but not laugh. It is… pleasant, even if he is sure that it is him Doll is laughing at. _“Ask Jeanette about that one too. Preferably in front of Floyd.”_

“You believe his reaction would be amusing?”

_“If I am going to be on a team with a straight boy I should at least get some laughs out of it.”_

“If he desires Thomas, how can he be…”

_“Denial. There’s straight and then there’s Straight, and one is a sexuality and the other is a state of mind.”_

Doll is grinning, looking honestly and uncomplicatedly happy, and Bane cannot resist reaching out to cup his face, feel smooth skin and hard ridges of scar tissue.

Doll’s eyes flutter shut for a moment and he leans into the touch, an expression of pleased surprise on his face.

“This is more,” Bane says softly. There is no reason why speaking loudly would spoil this moment and yet he cannot bring himself to speak above a whisper.

_“But is it enough?”_

He is struck by the image of sleeping with Doll sprawled out on one side of him and Thomas on the other. He has seen both of them sleep often enough on jobs to be sure he would spend the night being kicked and pushed out of bed as they both sought to take up as much space as possible, and yet… “I do not think I am monogamous either.”

_“Oh I already knew that.”_

“All the same… It is enough. _You_ are enough.”

Slowly, wary of spooking him, Bane leans in and presses a chaste kiss to Doll’s lips. He does not close his eyes and nor does Doll, so he gets to watch his face, shock morphing into a soft expression that makes something old and disused in Bane’s chest ache.

“I do not know what more means. I do not know how to have family. But I would like to learn. With you.”

_“And Scandal, and Thomas, and Jeanette, and probably Floyd if you can get him to stand still long enough.”_

“I am not familiar with greed.”

_“Oh **that** I can teach you.” _

“I think I would like that. I am not familiar with family, either.”

_“You’re on your own with that one, darling.”_

Bane kisses him again, just because he can. “Perhaps we can learn it together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love


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